A man plays chess in the middle of the desert, he wears an Armani suit. The sky rages with lust.

He should be walking down Prince not cursed to this forsaken wasteland… but life can be funny like that.

Luckily, he is not alone. Stuck next to him is his favorite companion, Dolores, the old ball and chain. 

Her thing is staring blankly. His is strategy.
[pan down to see a cannon ball chained to Lard’s ankle…]

“It’s true, she literally weighs me down.”
[Lard laughs like he’s consumed by madness, it almost overtakes him to the point of terror & then just like that he stops

& with a grin let’s out…]

“The ruse: there ain’t no stable gravity here…on Planet #644…if it weren’t for my true #love…”
[Lard picks up the canon ball, laughs again, gives er a kiss and then holds er like you’d cradle a stray cat]

“I literally wouldn’t be here…I’d be up there.”
[Lard points to the sky] 

“& in the name of the father, the son, the Holy Spirit, amen-please God,”
Lard cries, “don’t make me go back. I belong in the dirt.”
[Lard kicks the ground, dust flies up]

“This grime makes sense to me.”
[nostalgic, Lard stares off into the distance, cannon ball still in grasp…]

(chess game? We think a stalemate.)

— End scene